let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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