Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
