yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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