Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
