sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You have to summon your inner elephant
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
