So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
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