is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
