I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
