I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
