i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
