I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
