I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
