I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
