Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
