i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
