i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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