why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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