if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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