Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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