dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Randomize
