you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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