All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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