I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
