Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you will always have a special place in my vag
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
