hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
