im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
