rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
