You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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