I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
