listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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