i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
