I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
