Kiss
Puke
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
