Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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