I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
