And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
