I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
