I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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