oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
