The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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