Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
