Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize