I CAN MOONWALK!
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
