My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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