Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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