don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
