I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
