There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends