It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Stone age, man.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him