I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
