Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
