hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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