So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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