hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
