So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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