i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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