new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
