Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
