Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
