I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
