I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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