some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
