he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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